Indigo Days

Feeling down. Too blue today to want to talk, to communicate. Can’t get passed the grey skies this morning.

Evening: I know its silly to feel like this, by the end of the week we will be on the upward path again whereas some other people are only just discovering how painful it can be trying to survive on one income. We have managed it. We have survived on one salary for close on 15 months and it has been really difficult but we stayed afloat for most of it, and then just as we were starting to spiral down we got a lifeline of more hours for me and a new job for Husband.

But its been a long slog and I’m tired. I’m tired of watching the pennies and relying on selling books (mainly cookbooks) and other secondhand stuff for treats. I’m tired of the creative cookery (the tomato sauce worked, but the gnocchi didn’t as I forgot to drain the pumpkin enough). oh yes I can feel morally virtuous that we haven’t wasted any food since February but I would kill for a just cooked steak, peas, carrots, sauteed onions and chips with a glass of good red – no more Co-op claret…I want to splurge…well just a bit…but what I really want to do is spoil Toddler for Christmas without feeling guilty, but I can’t because mentally my head cannot cope with the idea of being in debt I am tired and I need a holiday. I am tired of being sensible and responsible and adult and so so reasonable…and yes the road ahead is the road to freedom but it is still going to be another long slog to clear the debts that have built up

So please excuse this little outburst. Tomorrow I will be sensible and reasonable again and start out on that long long road to solvency…but tonight I shall give in to my inner toddler, I shall cry, I shall suck my thumb and I shall hide under my bed with my teddybear.

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